Moving Day

I glanced out my kitchen window the other morning and noticed my downstairs neighbors’ SUV was loaded with lamps and a few boxes and there it was. That familiar yet uneasy feeling I get when I see people moving, perhaps leaving their residence for something better that I might be missing out on. Leaving me behind to examine my life and make sure I’m happy.

So, the big question is why it matters to me, especially since I hardly know these people and was completely impartial to their existence. All I know is that I take it personally when I see people moving. Why is it good enough for me to live here, but not you? And do you know something bad about living here that I don’t, but should? What if I’m unaware of an opportunity to experience more excitement, meet new people, discover a new area, watch better sunsets. Why I assume where these strangers are going would necessarily be any better than where I am is completely irrational. As is this feeling of being left behind. What if they’re moving to a nursing home for goodness sake. And if I feel this way over strangers, you can only imagine what I feel watching people I love leave me behind, especially when they’re moving an airplane ride away.

I recall when one of my BFFs, who also was my neighbor, was moving from New York to Florida. I was devastated. Not only was I losing my bestie, but who knew what my new neighbor would be like, and I also felt as if I was missing the boat. The market was shifting, my house was worth more than it had ever been, and I was flooded with tons of questions about timing and what I wanted my own future to look like. I hate “woulda, coulda, shoulda,” when I didn’t, and there’s this anxious feeling that overcomes me and fills me with self-doubt. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing, however, since it prevents me from becoming lackadaisical about my life and I’m happy where I am . . . for now, anyway.

So where does this all stem from?

Abandonment issues? I’d say it seems that way.

Envy? It might be, but only if I know where they’re moving and it’s definitely better than where I am.

Keeping up with the Joneses? Maybe.

Not wanting to miss out on anything awesome? Definitely!

Does anyone else feel like this or am I just singularly this messed up?