Nobel Peace Prize - I Found the Cure
So, I promise to remember all of you after I become famous for winning my Nobel Peace Prize. You see, I have discovered the cure for road rage. Yes, I have, thank you very much.
This is the cure.
Here it comes.
OWN A NEW VEHICLE!
Trust me when I tell you that as a former New Yorker, I was raised with road rage and although I’ve lived here since 2003, it has never gone away. I literally have to remind myself before flipping someone off that 1 out of 3 cars contains a gun. So, I found a better way. I now do a thumbs up with a smile on my face. “Good job, $%#*&#!” I say, shaking my head and smiling. It would have been no surprise if one day you had read about me being killed in a road rage incident. However, I think I’ve been cured.
Driving my new car has given me a completely different perspective. I don’t want anyone near me so I won’t chase you down anymore. I used to tailgate the creeps who cut me off ready to slam into their back bumpers, that’s how angry and crazed I was. But I’m not smashing my new SUV into anyone’s anything, and I think this will last for a while. I’m hoping it will last forever, that maybe I’ll get out of the road rage habit and just be laid back.
Wait, did I say laid back? That could never be. The profanity still pours out of my mouth, even if I’m not alone. I just can’t help that. I even put curse words together in previously unheard-of combinations. I have a master’s degree in profanity, but nobody’s going to shoot me over that. I don’t scream out to the offenders, it’s all in the privacy of my vehicle.
But back to my Nobel Peace Prize, I seriously think I’m on to something here. Nobody wants to ruin their new cars, so if that’s all it takes, I think the government should provide new vehicles to their citizens every two years or so until road rage is permanently cured. It will be like the Polio vaccine. Eventually, the disease, and yes, road rage is a disease, was eradicated. Until that time, however, just know you’re all safe from one less road rage, enraged driver, ME.