Painful Endings
One of my friends posted a quote on Facebook by Morrie Schwartz stating:
“Death ends a life, not a relationship. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on- in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.”
It’s a beautiful quote and I have always felt that the pain people feel when you’re gone is indicative of how much you meant to them when you were alive. And although I don’t want my loved ones to suffer when I’m gone, that’s not entirely true because of course I want them to miss me – often - and to appreciate how I affected their lives in all aspects. With my twisted sense of humor, my often brutal honesty, my dirty mind (lol), my potty mouth, my ability to give advice like the real Dr. Phil, and my empathy and compassion once you get past my hard-ass exterior.
And then I got to thinking that relationship breakups have all this same pain, and I know this is going to sound insane, but they can be similarly difficult because that person is still alive, but you are no longer a part of them and they are no longer a part of you. Even the quote says it – “Death ends a life, not a relationship.”
When your relationship ends, you may still have all the fun memories, along with some bad or you’d probably still be together, but you’re not allowed to see them anymore. And you know they’re sharing their fun selves with someone else now and you need to share your fun self with someone else now … or not.
Of course I understand the tragedy in never being able to see someone you loved deeply again because they no longer walk this earth, but in a breakup it’s also tragic because your person is still walking this earth. Touchable and huggable by everyone but you. I think this may be where the expression “He’s dead to me” comes from. You have to make believe the person is dead so you can mourn him or her and move on. And if you don’t, you end up stalking them on social media and watching them live a happy life without you, adding bitterness and jealousy to the already existing pain of loss. Or is that just me (lol).
Believe me, I don’t wish anyone dead, but the finality of death ends the irrational hope that someday you may both figure it all out and be together again.
I know my thought process is a little crazy sometimes, but loss of any kind is so difficult.
I had another close friend read this blog before I posted it because I wanted to make sure nobody would feel upset. The following was part of her response, which I love:
“Everyone deals with loss in their own ways. I prefer to think some old relationships you never want to see again, while others you take a high road and remain friends. It’s whatever works for you to get to a healthy place.”
I’ll probably be inundated with appointment suggestions from therapists all over the world after posting this blog, but if they offer their services for free, I’ll accept the offer.