Whenever I’m on social media, I always see postings about people missing their pets who have passed on and they’re so sad.

As a child, I was never allowed to have anything furry so instead I had guppies that jumped out of their tanks Kamikaze style which I’d find on the floor in the morning, and small turtles that would turn on their backs with their flippers flapping and couldn’t turn back over without assistance.

As a teenager, my boyfriend and I had snakes and lizards which we kept in his basement. That was a step up from the fish and turtles, although don’t get me wrong, I love fish and certainly respect turtles and tortoises.

It wasn’t until I was married that I had my first furry pets. We used to babysit for these two precious Himalayan-Persian kittens whenever our friend went out of town on business. I hated giving them back and then one day, he finally said we could keep them. He probably felt bad seeing me cry each time I had to say goodbye.

We had those cats for a pretty long time and the natural death of the first one was my first experience losing a pet who had become my family, and it was horrible. The other cat we had to put down a couple of years later and that was my first experience doing that, which was even more horrible.

Years later, we got a dog. Smoochie lived until 14, and even though he hated me until he was blind and deaf, it still killed me when I had to put him down. And I had nobody with me, so I had to do it alone! It was the weekend, and he wasn’t breathing right so I took him to the emergency vet in Fort Myers and he took his last breath with a doctor he didn’t even know. Soooooo sad. And by the way, I am one UGLY crier, but I got to say, none of that matters when you have to put your dog (your baby) to sleep.

So, this brings me to the real purpose of this blog. People are always telling me that since I live alone and have so much love to give, I should get another pet. I’ve thought about it, but truth be told, in my old age and solitude, I have become a major lazy ass. I live in an apartment, so I can’t just let a dog out in the yard. And I’m out a lot and I don’t need that kind of guilt in my life anymore every time I go out and I know my pet is alone and they give you that “how can you leave me” look as you’re walking out the door.

It’s also really expensive to have pets. Smoochie had very bad allergies and skin conditions. That dog cost me about $175 a month to keep him comfortable and alive, especially as he got older. But you want to know the real reason I don’t want another pet? It’s because I don’t want to go through the sorrow and pain again of my pet dying whether by natural causes or euthanasia. This may change as I get older and the likelihood of me dying before my pet becomes a reality.

We’ll see, but for now, unless a cat or a dog comes knocking on my door, I will remain pet-less.